RPR Commentary: The Hills

Let's be serious: You didn't think I'd miss out on tearing into The Hills, the new MTV spin-off of Laguna Beach? I often find myself straddling the fine line between these shows being a guilty pleasure versus them causing me to do some deep introspection.

"Am I really watching a show about a bunch of people more than 5 years younger than me? Have I grown out of the MTV age, geared toward those teenagers across the country?"

My answers: Yes, I'm watching these shows and no way in hell have I grown out of it. Not as long they continue to put ridiculous programming on the air that provides material for this blog, allow me to feel better about myself knowing that I have more direction than the Real World for-lifers, and knowing that I'll find high levels of comedy with Yo Momma, Next, and Room Raiders.

Back to The Hills... let's just say that by the first commercial break, I was running into the other room to grab a piece of paper so that I could write down all of the absurdities from the show. First off, I know LC's parents supposedly make a ton of money, but that apartment looks extremely nice. It's called Hollywood Villas or something. I want live somewhere with "Villas" in the name. We know that either Mommy & Daddy are paying for that one, or more likely, MTV is picking up the tab. We meet her roommate, Heidi, who seems like she's about as bright as a lightbulb from last decade. I'm excited that Heidi will be a new source of humor for this series. By the way, my sister, Jamie, had this to add about Heidi: "umm i dont like heidi shes a f*cking moron". Well put.

LC finds out that her interview for an internship at Teen Vogue is in 20 minutes, so magically she transforms from "I've been riding in the car all day long and I look all disheveled" to "I'm looking gorgeous, my hair is perfect, and I could be on the cover of Teen Vogue myself" in the matter of one scene jump. She arrives at the interview, but MTV does a shitty job of editing the interview because it seemed very unimpressive to me. She meets with the "West Coast Editor" who looks like Merryl Streep, and answers questions such as "Can you write?" with insightful responses such as "Yes". I also counted 7 'likes' in a 15 second clip. Of course, in the end, she ends up with the gig. If she didn't then, MTV wouldn't have a show, now would they?

In addition to the internship with Teen Vogue, LC and Heidi are in the process of registering for Fashion school. At least LC does a better job with this interview, and given the fact that she'll have the internship, getting into school isn't terribly difficult. Then the Admissions Counselor meets with Heidi. Good lord. As a reminder, here's how the dialogue went:

Admissions: So Heidi, what were you like in high school?
Heidi: You know, I was like the party girl.
Admissions: What are your career goals?
Heidi: I'm really interested in PR. I want to be a party girl for a PR firm... you know, throw big parties and stuff.
Admissions: Would you ever consider working on a retail sales floor?
Heidi: Like actually working in retails sales? Like selling? Oh, no way.

What a trainwreck. This girl doesn't have a clue. This part of the show has to be scripted. It makes me nauseous to think that people like Heidi exist in this world. Let's see if she actually gets into school. If not, partying can be her full-time job.

When LC goes to the internship for the first day, we meet Whitney, who is another intern. We don't find out about her too much at first, but I'd imagine she'll cause some drama over the course of the show. She seems rather innocent, but it's only a matter of time before she's offering sexual favors in exchange for coke. Mark it down.

I found it amusing that a fashion editor had to give LC and Whitney some extra clothes/"accessories" before they went in to meet with Merryl Streep.... er, the West Coast Editor. Half the people I work with walk around work each day with their shirt half-untucked and a coffee stain or two. The gist of their responsibilities during the internship: do what we say, be thankful that you're here, don't make a fool of yourself, and if you 'f' up, we'll send you to some second rate magazine.

Luckily, LC and Whitney get to attend some party for which they were lucky enough to address the invitations. LC's job was to prevent anyone from sitting in the VIP area. Heidi and two douchebags sneak into the party, start to cause drama, and end up getting LC yelled at. She's too nice sometimes. If I were her, I wouldn't let this idiot friends screw up my job. They shouldn't have been there in the first place, and they show up and cause a scene. Completely unnecessary. Merryl Streep gets upset with LC and like a mother scolding her child who just used a crayon to decorate the newly-painted white wall, says, "We'll discuss this on Monday." How suspenseful.

That was basically it for the initial episode, but the previews show us that a ton of excitement is on tap. We'll see mega drama from Heidi and the douchebags, and wonder if LC can handle the pressures of the internship and school. Guess who shows up later on? Jason. I giggled with joy when I saw that this clown will make an appearance. I'm gonna start the "I'd Like to Sock Jason in the Face Club". Who's with me? And is there some website or casino that I can put money on some decent odds that Stephen will make a cameo? What are the odds, 3:1 ? 4:1?

Look for some more craziness from The Hills next week. I am thoroughly shocked at the things MTV comes up with. I'm also shocked that I have this much to say about one 30 minute program. (I'm just sitting here shaking my head)