Guess Who I Saw Tonight?

First, a comment by the Jessica from the weekend, which warranted me giving her the "Are You For Real?" look.

The Jessica: "I think they should call McDonald's in Israel, 'McDonaldstein's'."
The Ross: (Just shaking my head)

Anyway, so this evening I went to get a haircut. So you know what that means? Yes, an encounter with Yolanda. Before you get all excited, I didn't actually end up having Yolanda cut my hair. I know, I know. I was disappointed as well. So I come rolling into the shop around 7pm. There was no sign of the disgruntled Australian receptionist. The stand-in receptionist said that she could take me right away.

"Sir.... Yolanda ....er, Juana, can take you right over there."

Ah, so I was that close to having the encounter with Yolanda. I was placed with Juana, the Mexican lady who's no taller than 4'10". Yolanda couldn't get mad at me because I had no say in the matter. Of course, I could have requested her, but I couldn't get those words in when I walked in the door. All I could say was, "I'm here for a haircut."

So I sit down with Juana, and she's running through the routine: put the smock on and ask how I like my hair cut. I'm facing forward; looking at myself in the mirror. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see someone walk behind me from my left. A long, slow, meandering walk. It was like things were moving in slow motion. Yolanda walks right behind me, and as she passes by the chair, she slowly turns her head and gives me one of the most evil smiles I've ever seen, followed by a brief stare down. I kid you not. I felt like Beatrix Kiddo (Uma Thurman's character) when she finally had the showdown with Bill at the end of Kill Bill 2. The evil smile and stare down looked like it should have been in black & white and taken place in the Old West. The bizarre thing is that this took all of 3 seconds and yet it seemed like it lastest 10 minutes.

I knew she was on to me. She had that look in her eye like, "I know you. And you are betraying me right now by getting your haircut by one of my colleagues. I take this very personally. I told you, straight up, last time you were in here how much I take care of my customers. Now, you are cut off, my friend... placed on Yo's Blacklist." I had her voice in my head. I was totally being psyched out by her. And yet she didn't actually say a word to me.

Juana didn't say a word to me either, although her level of English proficiency is ultimately in question. I kept an eye behind me for each time Yolanda passed by. One time with the broom. The next time with the dustpan and brush. Just doing the nightly chores around the shop while she had a few minutes in between customers. Great, now she'd be even more pissed because she had to do cleanup work instead of cutting someone's hair. It was all my fault.

I was paying too much attention to Yolanda that I wasn't paying enough attention to Juana. She cut my sideburns a little too thin, and I said, "Hold on, chica, go easy-o on the sideburnos." OK, so I didn't really say that, but I told her to not cut them too short. So then I paid a little closer attention to the task at hand, making sure I didn't come out of this place looking like a complete clown.

After it was all said and done, I hadn't had any interaction with Yolanda, and I'm banking on the fact that she cuts so many people's hair during a 7 week time span that, although I think she remembers my face, in reality she doesn't know me from any other white guy with dark hair. Maybe next time, I'll get her, and we'll have the same initial conversation as last time, when she'll interrogate me with a question like, "I've cut your hair before. Why didn't come request me last time you were in here you sonofabitch?" and then clock me over the head with a blowdryer. That'd be bad news.

As soon as I was done, I paid, told Juana, "Gracias", grabbed my coat and hightailed it out of there. Thus another interesting visit to the "hair stylist" as they call it. Glad I made it out alive. Maybe next time, I'll challenge Yolanda to a duel. If she doesn't go for that, maybe a samurai sword fight will peak her interest. It's always a battle, that's for sure.