Brian: Live from the Dirty South

Brian has been kind enough to send me some short stories from his time working on a consulting job down in Baton Rouge, LA. As you can imagine, he's encountered some crazy folks down there, and I've been lucky enough to hear some of the stories firsthand on the telephone. This will hopefully be an ongoing item, so here's what Brian is starting out with:

I'm still "washing" my other stories, but here's one from today that was pretty good. Basically, what I'm going to do is take any story that was good before, then tell it to my boss. He always makes a great comment to make it even better. For example...

My buddy, Doug (our IT guy) is a 300 lb former Marine who was part of the Tactical Air Command running helicopter missions into New Orleans after the storm.

Doug: We see a crowd of dogs going nuts, then realize they were eating a body. The 50-caliber [gun] took care of that. It's sad, but once they get a taste of human blood you've gotta euthanize 'em.

Now I tell the story to my boss and it gets better:

Brian: Doug was telling me about the search and recovery down there. Said he saw this crowd of dogs circled around something, turns out they were eating a body. Said once dogs get a taste for human blood you have to euthanize them, so they hit them with the 50-cal machine gun.

My Boss: Yeah, he looks like he ate a few people down there too.

Here's a story from today:

I told my boss and secretary about the crack house across the railraod tracks that you can see from the fire escape at the office, then we went outside to show them.

Brian: Yeah there was a fight there a few weeks ago. The one guy was out in the street yelling, and some other guy came barreling out of the house. They started beating the crap out of each other.

My Boss: Let's try to start another fight. Tasha, yell down and tell the guy wearing #10 that the guy in the blue called him an assh-le. Or tell him his mother's a whore.

Brian: Actually, his mother probably is a whore.

My Boss: Fine then, he said you're mother's not a whore. Those are fighting words.