Happy Holidays from the RPR - Part 2

Alright, we're back for the remainder of Christmas Day 2005 and what exactly it is that I did. Let me give you a hint...it wasn't much. I do hope that everyone had a nice holiday and received some nice gifts that you'll be able to put to good use either now or in the near future.

Back to the rest of the running diary:

6:24pm - The family leaves for dinner. Since they punked out on me and went for Chinese last night, we opted for Italian this evening at the restaurant owned by one Italian and one Jewish family. I'm rather surprised at how empty the restaurant is. Come to think of it, most others are probably eating Chinese instead.

7:15pm - The dinner wasn't bad, as I chose to order a veal dish. Let me tell you about veal. It's a quality meat and very enjoyable, but only on an "every now and again" basis. In my mind, I can eat chicken or beef frequently, and in many cases, more than I should. But with veal, I can't imagine eating it for 3 meals in a row. (I have done this with beef. We're talking the 'steak dinner, then cheesesteak for lunch the next day, and then a hamburger that night' combination. I don't mind this at all. High in protein.) But veal is a good choice and I highly endorse it. So the next time you're in an Italian restaurant, switch things up and go for the veal.

8:31pm - We're back at home and I turn on the Sunday night football game between Minnesota and Baltimore. Mom comes in and sees that football is on and gives me the "You've got to be kidding. Football again?" look. I ask her if she wants me to change it, but since she's already engulfed in one of her women's magazines, she simply looks up and seems indifferent. Chalk a win up for me.

8:33pm - Mom tries to figure out which team is which. Conversation goes as such:

Mom: Minnesota....which team are they?
Ross: The Vikings. The guys with the purple helmets and the white jerseys.
Mom: Baltimore...they're wearing blue jerseys?
Ross: No, they're purple. It's the Ravens.
Mom: When did Baltimore get a team?
Ross: Another team moved and relocated to Baltimore 10 years ago and became the Ravens.
Mom: Eh, I don't like football. [She turns her attention back to the magazine.]

9:04pm - We decide to have a family outing to the movies. Mom and Jamie choose Rumor Has It for us to see. This is the one with Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Costner, Shirley MacLaine, and Mark Ruffalo. Mom tells Dad not to fall asleep during the movie. Dad snaps back with, "Well, if we didn't always see these chick flicks, maybe I wouldn't fall asleep." Mom gives him the evil eye.

9:47pm - During the previews, we see a trailer for a movie about the Naval Academy titled Annapolis. Since Dad was in the Navy, he looks and Mom and says, "That's a must see". Mom responds with, "You can go see it by yourself."

11:25pm - The movie ends and it wasn't all that bad. It kept me entertained and by this point in the day, I needed to see something other than A Christmas Story. So guys, if your girlfriend drags you to see Rumor Has It, it isn't the end of the world. And for the ladies, I'm sure you'll enjoy it, because these flicks are right down your alley.

11:39pm - Back at home and flipping through channels on the TV. I'm watching Sportscenter and the best highlight may be the interaction between Shaquille O'Neal and the ABC sideline reporter:

Reporter: Shaq, before the game, you didn't acknowledge Kobe Bryant at all.
Shaq: [Blank stare. Silence.]
Reporter: Wasn't there anything you wanted to say to him? Or at least shake his hand?
Shaq: [Blank stare for another moment.] Merry Christmas
(Shaq walks away.)

That's classic right there. I haven't seen a more awkward on-court/on-field interview since Jim Gray called out Pete Rose at the MLB All-Star a few years back, and Pete almost socked him in the face.

Other than sitting down to write more on the RPR, not too much else to report on this evening. Again, hope everyone's holiday was pleasant and hope everyone takes full advantage of their day off tomorrow. It's great when you get the obligatory weekday off when the holidays fall on a weekend. Gotta love that. It's because the government, postal service, and banks all want a day off too. That's fine by me. We can all reap the benefits of a day off, no matter what your religion is.

That's it for tonight. Not sure when the next post will be, but check back periodically and see if I happen to put anything new up.

Happy Holidays from the RPR

Hello from lovely Lafayette Hill, PA! From all of us here at the Ross Press Release (that would be me), I'd like to wish everyone Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Festivus, or whatever you choose to celebrate around this time of year!

As expected, there isn't a whole lot going on today, Christmas Day 2005. In fact, allow me to give you a little taste of the day so far, and what's to come in a little running diary. [I apologize ahead of time if this one isn't as humorous as the Thanksgiving running diary, as I have to admit that the Turkey Day diary was a solid piece of work.]

11:00am - For some reason I set my alarm and actually woke up when I said I was going to. No particular reason. It's not like there's anything to do today.

11:02am - I tell Mom "Merry Christmas" and she gives me the "Are you nuts?" look. Meanwhile, I make this same joke every year, with the same results every year.

11:05am - Turn on 24 hours of A Christmas Story on TBS. Already watched it last night before I went to sleep, so I figure I'll watch it again. Let's keep count of how many times I watch it today, either in its entirety or in pieces. Part that always cracks me up is when Ralphie's father gets the package in the mail and says, "Fra-gi-le. That must be Italian" and Ralphie's mother says, "Honey, it says fragile." Hilarious.

11:46am - My Dad tries to convince me to go out and rake the leaves. He gives me a 5 minute explanation on how he can't figure out why it's the end of December and not all the leaves have fallen off the trees yet.

11:55am - I realize that he went out there to begin raking. I feel like I should help, so I decide to lend a hand. You should've seen the get-up I had on. Dad's old winter coat from the garage and Dad's old sneakers from the garage as well. If you add the age of these two items together, probably equals about 35. This is why they've taken up permanent residence in the garage.

12:16pm - Outside raking leaves in a slight drizzle. I can just imagine what the people in the passing cars think as they see these 2 shmos outside on Christmas raking leaves. "Look honey, those people are raking the leaves. That's a hell of a Christmas gift for a father to give his son. 'Here ya go, boy. Here's a rake, now let's go get that yardwork done.'"

12:27pm - While moving a pile of leaves out to the shoulder of the street, I almost get hit by a car. I guess someone had already been chugging too much egg nog.

12:52pm - Dad gets fed up and decides that's enough raking for today. We made some progress, but with our luck, all the leaves will fall off the trees this week and he'll be back out there next week doing it all over again.

1:09pm - Watching A Christmas Story for a few minutes while reading the newspaper. This ranks right up there on the "Exciting Things To Do" List.

1:55pm - I wake my sister up by lying to her and telling her it's 3:30pm. Otherwise, she wouldn't roll out of bed. And I used to think that I slept late. I convince her to come with me to get coffee at Wawa.

2:11pm - We're driving to Wawa. There aren't too many cars in the usually crowded parking lot. My sister points out a Mercedes Benz in front of Wawa and says, "Hey, there's at least one Jew in Wawa." Way to stereotype, Jamie.

2:24pm - Enjoying my Kenya AA coffee (20 oz, with a little non-fat milk, and 2.5 packets of Splenda. I don't mess around when it comes to my coffee.) I need to start a movement to convince the folks at Wawa to build some stores up in the New York metro area. As much as I enjoy Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks, Wawa is just one step above. This movement wouldn't be too successful since they won't build any stores outside of a certain radius where they can't ship their dairy/baked products fresh daily.

2:45pm - Finally eating lunch. This is what happens when I come home...we end up eating lunch a few hours before dinner. Doesn't matter, I'm sure I'll be hungry in just a little while.

3:49pm- I sit down to write on the blog. Didn't think I'd get distracted, but sure enough, I do.

4:06pm - Get an IM from Jonny Kahn asking me if I want to go to some bar in Cherry Hill, NJ, to hear a friend of a friend's cousin's band. I tell him I don't feel like schlepping all the way out there. He says that we (myself + other friends of ours) act like we're 80 years old. So I give him one of Brandon's famous lines and say that "it's way too much effort". That's the end of it.

4:31pm - The next distraction from blogging comes in the form of lighting the Hanukkah candles. Hey, the least we can do is the basics of the holiday tradition by lighting the candles. We exchange a few presents and my sister and I have this conversation:

Jamie: I still didn't get you anything. What do you want?
Ross: I don't know I didn't get you anything yet either. What do you want?
Jamie: I don't know either. Well let me know what you want before I go back to school and I'll get it.
Ross: Yeah, we'll figure it out.

(This is going nowhere fast.)

5:06pm - Next distraction is that I make a trip over to Wawa for the second time today. No more coffee this time around, but rather I need to hit up the MAC machine. Side story: Co-workers Adam & Matt were making fun of me because I call it the "MAC machine" instead of using the term "ATM". Apparently, they say it's a Philadelphia thing, and my explanation is that its what my parents and friends always called it. I never really thought twice about it. I guess you can call it branding, like calling them "Kleenex" instead of "tissues", or saying to make me a "Xerox copy" instead of a "photocopy". That's branding, my friends.

5:28pm - I sit back down to continue with the blog. We're going on 2 hours of writing this post. I'm nearing the boundaries of writing a diary in real-time rather than writing about the past. Right now, I'm writing about what's happening right now. In the land of space & time continuum, I may self-implode. Gotta be somewhat cautious.

5:42pm - I ponder what my family would do if we did celebrate Christmas. I imagine our family gatherings would be similar to the gatherings from Thanksgiving but just a month later. (For my Christmas celebrating friends out there: How is Christmas, other than the religious & gift-giving aspect of it, different than Thanksigiving? Please enlighten me.) I'd guess it'd be a lot of yelling, complaining about the preparation of the big meal, people not liking the gifts they received, and eating a ton of food. In fact, it'd be pretty much like Thanksgiving all over again. And we all know how much of a debacle that was.

5:46pm - I just realized that there's an NFL game on right now. So I'm going to take a break, and come back later on after dinner. We found an Italian restaurant that's open all day today, and so we're going to check it out. How is an Italian restaurant open all day today you ask? I spoke to the Jessica earlier, and since the restaurant is in her neighborhood, she mentioned the fact that it's co-owned by 2 families: one Italian and one Jewish. That explains it rather well.

I'll be back later on with the rest of today.

Real Quick...

I know I said I wasn't going to post anything tonight, but this is real quick.

First off, it seems that not everyone was sick of my transit strike obsession. Here's an IM that Bryant left for me: "I, for one, would like MORE transit strike coverage. I got a fever, and the only cure, is more RPR." Glad that someone appreciates me.

Also, here's a great story about a cab ride gone bad. People were a little on edge this week, and here's how one cabbie ended up with a bloody nose, driving like a maniac in Brooklyn.

So I hear that New Jersey is in the running for a new state slogan. They've determined the five finalists. Here's what I have to say about each of them. (It's just too easy to make fun of the Garden State)

1. "New Jersey: Expect the Unexpected.'' - Like when they find Jimmy Hoffa underneath Giants Stadium
2. "New Jersey: Love at First Sight.'' - The first time you entered the casinos...
3. "New Jersey: Come See for Yourself.'' - ...how many landfills we really have near the Newark airport
4. "New Jersey: The Real Deal.'' - the people, the gas station attendants, the myriad of liquor stores, and the crazy traffic laws. They really aren't screwing around.
5. "New Jersey: The Best Kept Secret.'' - Yeah, that case of gonorrhea that the hooker in Atlantic City didn't tell you about.


Good night, New Jersey.

Strike Over!

I feel like I should mention the fact that the Transit Strike is now over, since I wrote so many things leading up to and during the strike. The MTA and TWU are still negotiating the terms of the contracts, but the Union just announced that the workers are to go back on duty. The only thing is they don't know how soon all of the subways and buses will be back up and running on a normal schedule. Regardless, if they don't get it back up for this evening's commute, then they should definitely be all set for tomorrow morning.

This is good news and I'm glad the Union gave in and agreed to at least continue their public service and to cease inconveniencing the entire city.

Keep an eye on CNN for the latest.

I Swear I'll Stay Away from Strike Coverage for One Night

No strike coverage tonight. 50% because I may have had my fair share of strike-related media coverage. 50% because I haven't seen any good stories today worth mentioning. And 50% because I don't want to jinx my trip into the city on Thursday night. Yes, that's 150%.

- So this is that awkward time of the year when a Jew like myself feels isolated among a world of people celebrating Christmas. (No, I won't break into that song that the kid from "South Park" once sang about being a lonely Jew on Christmas.) However it's interesting because it's a festive time of year...I enjoy the spirit and I often find myself humming Christmas songs simply because they are so damn catchy. I've even gotten to the point that when people wish me a "Merry Christmas", I've given up on the whole "I don't celebrate it" explanation, because it's just too much effort to explain myself.

I do give credit to many people who I find now wishing me "Happy Holidays", and maybe I notice this because of the uncertainty in their voices when they extended these holiday wishes. I notice people pausing, probably thinking in the back of their minds, "Oh wait, he's got that dark hair, big nose, and I remember him not eating one day back in October, and then eating funny cardboard-looking crackers back in the Spring. Doesn't look like he'd be one that I'd run into at midnight mass on Christmas." I do appreciate the effort. Also, I was surprised by the number of people who knew that Hanukkah actually starts on December 25th this year, which is very rare since Hanukkah doesn't usually begin this far into the month. Of course, then I realized that it may just be because "First Night of Hanukkah" was listed right there under Christmas on your desk calendar.

But hey, Christmas gives me an opportunity to sit in the house and do nothing. I get to watch TV all day, maybe go to the movies, and eat some chinese food. It's standard protocol. I remember when I was younger and my family used to go down to Florida to visit my grandparents every winter break, so of course, we'd always be down there over Christmas. It should be noted that we'd be in Palm Beach County, FL, which may have the highest Jewish population outside of New York City and Jerusalem. Interestingly enough, there were things to do. The flea markets would be open. Other stores were open. Many of the delis would be open. Doesn't seem like much, but gave you more options than what you have elsewhere. But when it's all said and done, I always end up attempting to think of something to do on the 25th, and then just throw my hands up and say, "The whole world's shut down, might as well just sit here and watch 24 hours of A Christmas Story on TNT."

I did have the idea a couple weeks back that Christmas Day might be a great day to go down to the casino. I haven't been down to Atlantic City since May (for the Bobby Hipp Bachelor Party Bonanza - another story for another day), so it's been 7 months since I've been to New Jersey's finest city. We're talking about major withdrawal symptoms here. I was enticed by Harrah's, who had sent me an offer for a free room. Normally, the comp rooms are good for Monday through Thursday, but in December, Sunday the 25th was also included. After talking to Jared, who's also had the gambling bug, we thought that we might be able to swing a trip down to AC. I also threw the idea out to Brandon, and he seemed down for it. So I go online and try to book the room......the comp rooms are sold out! I thought people celebrated Christmas at home, with the family, or traveled to vist relatives. When trying to make sense of it, I figured that the folks may take the trip down to gamble after doing their whole "holiday thing". Then it hit me. It's my fellow Jews who were on top of those free rooms faster than a TWU member running to a picket line (eh, I couldn't get away from the strike reference). Yes, we can add casinos the list of things that are open on Christmas Day, and thus the Jews will be there. In fact, they might as well replace the buffets with potato latkes, Manischewitz wine, and some gefilte fish. They might replace "777" on the slot machines with caricatures of 3 guys named Goldman, Goldberg, and Goldstein. It'll be like the high holidays have moved from Northeast Philly down to the Trump Taj Mahal along the Boardwalk. You get the idea....

Anyway, let's run some housekeeping items for the next week or so:
- I'll be in the city Thursday night: No post
- Heading back to the Philadelphia on Friday: No post
- I'll be home through next Wednesday, 12/28: I'll get a post or two in there
- Back up here on Wednesday, then hanging out here and in NYC through New Years: TBD.

By the way, I'm taking off of work next week, which would explain the extra time I'll have on my hands to run around. Hey, gotta use those vacation days that the company gives you. Use them or lose them. Any case, do me a favor and check in every now and again to see if I've put up anything good. I know that I'll have plenty of free time on Christmas, so I'm thinking I'll do a little Christmas running diary similar to Thanksgiving.

Stay tuned, friends, I'll be returning shortly with holiday wishes and other typical nonsense that you've come to love from The Ross Press Release.

Trying to Avoid Overkill on the Transit Strike...

The Jessica alerted me to the fine line between funny and obnoxious when it comes to the Transit Strike 2005, so I'll keep the comments to a minimum. I do have a few items of interest that I wanted to mention though.

- First off, Mayor Bloomberg spoke this afternoon and had some pretty harsh comments for the the TWU. He basically said that union's "leadership thuggishly turned its back on New York City". TWU President, Roger Toussaint, responded with this comment, as seen on the FOX News this evening: "I have 2 words for Mayor Bloomberg: Have a little respect." Hmmm...

- So I have to believe that the strike can't go on for too long. Two reasons why:
1. When the MTA went to court saying that the strike is illegal (which it is...strikes are illegal in the state of New York), the judge imposed a $1 million per day fine against the union. They only have a treasury of $3 million, so you do the math. They keep this strike going for a few days and they're wiping out their cash.
2. The fines per worker are twice their daily pay. So for the workers who are striking in order to increase their salary, pension, etc., they're starting off on the wrong foot by losing 2 days pay per strike day.

(Great picture - courtesy of Gothamist)




- Great news from the College Football front: Penn State is being recognized for this excellent season. Not only did LB Paul Posluszny win the Butkus Award for the nation's top linebacker, he also won the Bednarik Award for the nation's top defensive player. Hey, and throw in a spot on the All-America first team. Today it was announced that Joe Paterno won AP Coach of the Year, which really says a lot for what he's done with the team this year. Many people thought JoePa was over the hill, that the game had passed him by. Then he goes out and assembles an amazing team full of young talent and some veterans who finally blossomed, and they come up with a fantastic season. Can't wait to watch the Orange Bowl on January 3rd.

- Can't stop listening to Thunder Lightning Strike by The Go! Team. Extremely catchy riffs, and some of the songs are rather poppy (if they were any poppier, they'd be like "Holla Back Girl"...but not quite...don't get ahead of yourself). I can't quite describe the sound....some of it has a soul tinge, some of it is funk, some of it is dance. After the first listen through, I thought to myself that this album is all over the place, but in a good way. They use horns and harmonicas, pianos and choruses of children. It really is quite enjoyable. Check out some samples on iTunes. By the way, I do realize that these guys have been quite big on the indie music scene for about a year now, but I missed the boat on them. Thanks to Eric Steinberg for passing on the music for my listening pleasure.

Nothing else from me tonight. I'll swing by tomorrow afternoon (possibly) and tomorrow night (most definitely) with the updates from the you know what...

Transit Strike 2005!

I wake up this morning and find out that the annoucement for the strike came at 3am. Pretty much screwed up everyone's commute to the city. I guess this is one time when I'm happy that I am in the suburbs and commute to another suburb.

I was watching the coverage while getting ready and saw everyone walking across the bridges in the 20 degree weather to work. And some people had to walk several miles. All of the major entrances into the city -- bridges and tunnels -- were like parking lots. Amazingly, there were people who had no idea that you could drive anywhere below 96th St with less than 4 passengers in the car. Come on people, watch the news and save yourself the effort of having to turn around.

Gotta love the people who were riding in cars with strangers just so they could make their way downtown. This comes from a city where I saw tourists last week make the comment that no one on the streets responds to strangers saying hi and waving. Some lady on the news radio made the comment that she made it from Brooklyn to Manhattan via New Jersey. If that's not roundabout, I don't know what is. In fact, there really isn't a direct route from Brooklyn to New Jersey, is there? Maybe through Staten Island. Somehow, she ended up at the Port Authority terminal and was so disheveled that she didnt know which direction to walk toward 5th Avenue. What a mess.

Meanwhile, my favorite sign from a closed subway station: "Strike in Effect. Station Closed. Happy Holidays!!!!" Let's spread the holiday cheer while making the commuters' lives miserable. Way to go, TWU.

Side story from Julie: She told me that the strike indirectly affected her in Pittsburgh. She was in charge of current students at Carnegie Mellon making visits to their old high schools over the holiday as a part of recruitment programs. A couple of the students from New York called her today and said, "I don't think we can make the recruitment visit tomorrow because of the subway strike. I have no way of getting there." So look at all this time and effort Julie put in to organize these visits, and they get pre-empted because of our transit worker friends.

I'll be back later on tonight with whatever other craziness I can gather.

The RPR Does Not Heart the TWU

I'm sitting here with my eyes glued to the news as I await news on the transit strike.

- In a story that I just saw, the strike now takes a new twist: it may affect me. I take the Metro-North Railroad into the city, and the reports tell me that the Metro-North workers said tonight that they will not cross any picket lines. I'm supposed to come into the city on Thursday evening to see Mr. Jared Melzer (who's in town for his winter break), along with some other friends, and if I can't take the train in, then I ain't comin'. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Even if there is a strike, I can't imagine it lasting very long. I'm hoping that things are back to normal as soon as possible, or by Thursday at the latest.

- They were interviewing a Metro-North train conductor, and the street reporter was asking questions as passengers entered a train.

Reporter: Do you have any news on the strike?
Conductor: I'm gonna go ahead and say that I have no comment.
Reporter: Do you plan to strike along with your TWU brethren?
Conductor: Yeah, I can't really say anything besides 'No Comment'. [Yells in reporter's ear] Tickets, please!

I want someone to interview me, and I can fulfill my lifelong dream of imitating such famous people like Drew Rosenhaus and the Transit Workers in New York and just respond with "No comment. Next question". I'd hold all the power in the world by not answering any questions. I'd also become a valued member of the "Most Obnoxious People in the World" Club.

- I made the comment this weekend about these car commercials where a person buys their spouse a Lexus for Christmas. Let's be realistic here for a moment. Do people really buy their husband/wife a car, a Lexus no less, for a holiday? Of course, it'd be an awesome gift, but at the same time, the guy has that "I can't believe you just spent $30,000 on my Christmas gift" look on his face. Hey, maybe the cash is indispensible to some people, but to the average American, they are looking to buy their loved one a new tie or dress shirt, or a necklace or bracelet. I think you skip a few levels on the gift scale when you jump to automobiles.

- I have to be honest: When I saw that Brett Favre led the Packers to a 48-3 loss this evening to the Ravens on Monday Night Football, that little voice in the back of my head had this to say: "Hey, when the Eagles got embarassed on MNF a couple weeks back, at least they lost to a Seahawks team who is bound for a top seed in the NFC. Look at the Packers...they are getting demolished by this Baltimore team who has been awful all season. I guess this makes the Eagles loss a little better." Remember kids, the first sign of denial is trying to spin a negative into a positive.

- By the way, let's hear it for VH1, who showed "So Jewtastic" this evening. It was 1 hour program on famous Jewish people in pop culture. I caught it at the end, so I may have to tune in for a re-run. Read more about it here.

That's it for tonight. Stay tuned for more transit strike news tomorrow night. Have good Tuesdaying.

Weekend Recap

And here we are back after the weekend, and this is what I have for you:

- The highlight of the weekend was dog and pony show known as the News Corp Holiday Party on Friday evening at the Hilton New York. I was lucky enough to go as the guest of the Jessica and the whole time I'm thinking: (a) Where's Rupert Murdoch? I want to ask him how he managed to single-handedly decide the 2000 Presidential Election in favor of George Bush; (b) I think there could be more gay men here than straight men; and (c) Look at all the food these people are wasting because they're too busy drinking. There's plenty of time to drink....but at least take advantage of the free buffet as well.

It was quite a scene. They rented out every reception room on the 2nd and 3rd floors of the hotel, and there were easily a few thousand people in attendance. Each room had at least 2 bars set up, and the old men in tuxedos who were the bartenders were very nice and prompt with the beverages. Each room had a theme. One was TeleVISION, which displayed the latest technology with various flat panels TVs and had some video game systems to test it all out. They had a game room with poker tables. They had a room sponsored by FOX Sports with about 10 TV's showing sports clips, the wait staff dressed up as referees and dancers all around the room in cheerleader outfits. Another room was sponsored by Ice Age 2, and they set that one up like a "club scene" with the thumping techno music, but my favorite part was the free Haagen Dazs. The room where the large buffet was located was called "Mmmm....Food" and they had episodes of The Simpsons showing on a loop on the big screeens. Yet another room was where a live band was performing, but unfortunately, when we made it in there, the band was in between sets and thus I didn't get to check it out. Any case, the News Corp party was lavish to say the least, and I'm sure the bill ended up costing the company somewhere in the 7 figure range. I have to thank the Jessica for bringing me along to the shindig, so I could have the privilege of attending a nice holiday party. Some companies don't have real holiday parties, just so they can save some cash, but we won't get into that right now...

- Saw "The Family Stone" on Saturday Night, and although you think this might be a chick flick, it is to some extent, but not as much as I thought it might be. Really, this movie is similar to a "Meet the Parents", but with some sad parts toward the end. To be honest, the movie is vastly different from what the previews make it out to be. It has a great cast: Sarah Jessica Parker, Dermot Mulroney, Luke Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Diane Keaton, Craig T. Nelson and Claire Danes and that usually makes for an entertaining movie. The first half of the movie is genuinely humorous, but then the movie takes a turn into a sappy drama. I won't say too much about it in case people want to see it and not have me ruin it for them. Overall, I'd say it's worth seeing if you're going to the movies anyway during this holiday season. Personally, the next flick on my list is "King Kong", so I'm hoping to take care of that one over the Christmas weekend, because let's be honest, I'm a Jew and the movie theaters love us on December 24th and 25th. However, due to entertainment value, I'll give "The Family Stone" RPR recommendation status.

- Sunday nights are usually my supermarket nights, which works out well because I can get my food for the week. I often run into this guy who also goes to the market on Sunday nights around the same time I do. The reason I'm mentioning him is because this guy is always wearing shorts. And not just any shorts, we're talking high shorts. And this guy is tall...probably around 6'2" or 6'3", and his shorts are really short. To be honest, I'm not sure what's more disturbing: the length of his shorts or the fact that this guy is wearing shorts to begin with during the dead of winter. I think more people need to get their heads examined.

- Last week's deadline for the transit strike came and went, and everyone was left with a "bluff" of sorts from the TWU. However, I don't think anyone's f'ing around this time when the next deadline hits on Tuesday at midnight. It seems as though the two sides are still very far apart in the negotiations, and progress is not being made. This could be very bad news, as I would expect there to be more and more tourists in the city for the Christmas holiday. As I said last week, let's just wait and see what happens...

That's it for tonight...enjoy Monday as best you can. After all, Mondays aren't meant to be enjoyable. If they were, they'd be called Friday.

Thursday Night - Trying Not to Sell Out

That's right, I'm trying not to sell out. I'm pretty beat, but I can't punk out two nights in a row, so here I am with a last minute post. Let's see what I can scrounge up...

(Disclaimer: Apprentice comments below. There's a spoiler in there. If you haven't seen the finale and don't want to know who wins, skip to the next paragraph.)

- First off, I may be the only person who hasn't yet lost interest in The Apprentice, as tonight was the finale of the 4th season with the Donald. I tend to get sick of reality TV shows after a while, and that's why even I can't figure out why I still watch the show. Best guess: I start watching the season, get to know the players, and then I have to continue watching to see what happens. Tonight was the expected, drawn-out 2 hour finale. It wasn't as bad the 3 hour extravaganza with Regis Philbin during the Season 2 finale (Thank God), but still ended up being too long with too many commercial breaks. Any case, I didn't have much doubt that Randal would win, as this guy seemed to have his act together from Day 1. Rebecca was tough, and I still can't fathom how she's the same age as me, and runs a non-profit organization in addition to a full-time job. Pretty impressive. Any case, I had the feeling that Trump was leaning toward Randal because this guy could do no wrong. He had the support of 90% of the candidates who had already been fired. And good for him for picking the Atlantic City projects where he'll be spearheading the construction projects to renovate the Trump casinos. They sure as hell need it. All of them are turning pretty crappy. Regardless, I don't know if I can handle any more Apprentice. It's the same old crap over and over these days.

- I came across this article this afternoon, and when I got home, Julie had left me an IM with the link as well. It's a pretty funny article about how some penguins in a zoo in Japan are getting fat, so they make them exercise. Pretty humorous.

- By the way, as of the time of this post, the deadline for the New York City transit workers has passed and there hasn't been any agreement reached. While there hasn't been any word on the walkout, odds are pretty good that there won't be any subways or buses tomorrow morning. Add the crappy weather that's in the area this evening and it could make for a nasty commute for those folks. They were interviewing some people on the news this evening, and people who live in Brooklyn or Queens were saying that they must be in work tomorrow, and will do whatever they have to in order to get there on time. I want to see some pictures of people walking across the bridges in the middle of the freezing rain. This oughta give me some good stories. If you're as fascinated with this circus as I am, keep an eye on what happens...

- This is the great - the Transit Workers' Union has a blog... and the format is the same as mine. I don't get it: Their Thursday posting has over 70 comments right now. Maybe if I threaten to go on strike, I'll get 70 comments. My favorite is from some guy named Mark, simply writes, "F*** you guys. F*** you." Another quality remark is from a blogger named Phuck TWU, who so eloquently writes, "You phuckin' lazy monkeys." See, I told you this strike would be a good time.

- So why am I so excited about the transit strike? Because it doesn't affect the train that I take from CT into NYC, and I'm able to walk to where I'm going. And this way, I can see all the craziness. We all know how much I love to witness the craziness first hand. I'll be in the city this weekend with the exciting event being my attendance with the Jessica on Friday evening at the News Corporation Holiday Party. If I see Rupert Murdoch, I'll tell him that all of his fans on the RPR said hi and I'll also thank him for treating me to a drink. He's got plenty of money...I'm thinking I may have to choose a fine whiskey.

I hope that everyone enjoys their weekend. Stay warm, stay dry, and try to catch up on your sleep. Let's be honest, there's no good to reason to wake up early on a Saturday when there's no college football on. Your body will thank you for it.

I'll Be Back Tomorrow Night

I'm using my free pass this evening and skipping the blog. Gotta get up at the crack of dawn for a meeting, so I'm going to come back tomorrow night with the regularly scheduled programming. Have a nice Thursday.

Tuesday Evening Blogging

A few items for your blog reading pleasure...

- Since we all know that I love news about Eagles' prodigal son, Terrell Owens, it's only right that I post a link about T.O.'s birthday party, held at Jay-Z's 40-40 Club in Atlantic City on Monday. Apparently he still loves Philadelphia and all of his teammates still love him. Somewhere in the middle of that is a suspended, disgruntled athlete with an obnoxious agent, a handful of perennial Pro-Bowlers on the Injured Reserved list, and a team with a 5-8 record that consists of a bunch of players that should be on the practice squad...

- Great quote by Cincinnati Bengals' wide receiver Chad Johnson (as found on the Bill Simmons' webpage): "I'm traveling to all 51 states to see who can stop #85."

- The RPR is keeping a close eye on the potential transit strike that could happen in New York City, effective 12:01am on Friday. Right now, the Transit Workers Union and the Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) are farther apart than Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. I heard on the news this evening that the union is demand an 8% salary increase each year for the next 3 years or so. MTA only wants to give them 3% per year over that time period. This could mean an estimate of $500 million of business activity lost per day in the city during the strike. But, my interest in this story lies in how people who depend on the subway will get around. Additionally, in the event of the strike, the city is imposing mandatory carpooling, and no cars with less than 4 passengers will be allowed to travel south of 96th Street. What a zoo this will turn into. Since the strike won't effect me or the Jessica at all, I secretly hope it happens just so I can head into the city on Friday night and check out the craziness. My gut feeling is that it'd last for about a day or so, and then the two sides will find a compromise. I'll have an update on this story as time goes on.

That's all from me. I'll check back tomorrow...

I Just Sat Here for 3 Minutes Thinking of a Creative Title and This is All I Came Up With

A few items to cover this evening...so let's get to it:

- Brad wanted me to mention a news story that I actually heard on Howard Stern this morning as well. In the movie, A Bronx Tale, the guy who plays Robert DeNiro's son....his name is Lillo Brancato, was arrested for burglary and shooting (and killing) an off duty police officer. This guy was also in "The Sopranos" as occasional character, Matt Bevilacqua. Read about this idiot here.

- Monday night TV is becoming increasingly disappointing now since Laguna hasn't been on, and now the latest season of Curb Your Enthusiasm finished last week. To add insult to injury, I usually don't make it home from work in time for Arrested Development. Guess I'll just have to watch the crappy Monday Night Football matchups that we have left this season.

- Great comment from Jared, regarding the current leader of the Football pool, Keith, who won the pool last year and tied for the win the year before: "F**king Keith ... he is running away with this damn pool again. I've been funding his Christmas for two, almost 3 years now."

- Here's JoePa making fun of ESPN College Gameday's Kirk Herbstreit: Ohio State is for poor people

- My sister, Jamie, has a final Tuesday morning at 8:00am. Oversleeping is currently a 10 point favorite vs. waking up on time. Place your bets now. That reminds me of freshman year when roommate Andy Myers overslept for an 8am final, waking up at 8:15am after I (half-asleep) said, "Dude, dont you have a final now?" followed by an "Oh Shit!" and he ran out of the room, possibly half-dressed. Apparently, he then ran across campus not knowing which building the final was taking place in. He stopped in the HUB to bring up the finals schedule online and then found out he had to go over to Deike Building. That's a classic story. Let's hope Jamie doesn't make history repeat itself.

- Hey, I stumbled upon an article about this crazy state of Connecticut that I actually live in. Apparently, the state saved around $10,000 last month when the governor forced the state government employees to use the phone book instead of 411. I'm not sure if this is a smart move, or it's just being cheap... Here's the link.

That's all I have to entertain you with this evening. Until next time...the RPR wishes you a happy Tuesday.

Sunday Evening Thoughts

Back on the blog after a relaxing weekend.

- Took a little ride with the Jessica on Saturday to this big outlet mall called Woodbury Commons in the Upper Hudson Valley. What a zoo. We had been talking about going to this place for quite some time, and of course by the time we actually get out there, it's when all the crazies are there doing the Christmas shopping. Woodbury is probably the nicest outlet mall you've ever seen - has all of the designers, very high end "slightly imperfect" clothing, if you will. But man, if you would have seen some of these people, essentially fighting for clothing and making a complete mess of all racks and shelves they got their hands on. It was like they had never seen a sale before. Let's hear it for the holiday spirit...

- So I'm over at Target the other day and I bought these socks that may be the best socks ever made. They are made by Cherokee (I believe this is one of Target's brands) and I don't believe they are really for every day use because of the thickness. Anyway, 98% polyester and 2% spandex, but it's not too far off from terrycloth. Absolutely fantastic to wear at night if your feet get cold. I'm not kidding you... these socks feel like you're walking on a pillow. Go to Target and look for them. I don't even have to describe them any further and I guarantee you'll know which ones they are.

- Saw the Johnny Cash movie, "Walk the Line" on Friday night with the Jessica. It was excellent. I can't say I'm a huge country music fan, but I am a casual Johnny Cash fan simply because I appreciate good music when I hear it. Additionally, I always like to watch movies about the lives of musicians just to see how good of a job the actors do in recreating the story and the music. In the case of "Walk the Line", I feel like they nailed both. Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon were fantastic in playing Johnny and June Carter Cash. Also, I was very impressed with how well Joaquin Phoenix recreated Johnny Cash's voice and demeanor while playing live. The director did a great job of writing the story, which kept my interest from start until end, and really, it was more than a movie about music; it was a movie about a man who had a passion and and plenty of problems. "Walk the Line" gets the Ross recommendation, and I suggest you see this flick, regardless of whether or not you're a Johnny Cash fan. Go see it if you want to enjoy a well-made movie.

- At least the Eagles actually showed up to play today against the Giants. Tough game, and given the fact that they are only starting 5 players on offense who also started on opening day, I guess we can't expect too much. As disappointing as this season has been, at this point, all I can ask for is some effort. Let's see what this team full of replacements and backups can do. By the way, I think Andy Reid is starting to go gray...could TO have had anything to do with that?

Back on Monday with some more free-from rambling and nonsense.

Thursday Night Short Post

Not much to rant and rave on tonight, so we'll run throw a few comments and call it a night.

- It's worth mentioning that today (December 8) was 25 years since the death of John Lennon. I'm sure all of you have seen something on the news or internet about it, but I just wanted to throw in my two cents. Lennon was an icon, not just for music, but for standing up for what he believed in. The man had the world eating out of the palm of his hand in the 10 years that he lived post-Beatles. With regards to the Fab Four, I've said it before and I'll say it again: There has never been and will never be another band/musician/artist that will have more of an influence on music fans around the world. There's too many different genres of music today, but back in 1964, everyone was a Beatles fan. You just can't find that any more with how saturated the market is with so many types of music. Absolutely astounding when you think about the impact those four men had. It's just a shame that some loon had to cut Lennon's life short....

- I have inside sources that tell me that the Sopranos could be moving from Sunday night to Monday night because HBO doesn't want to compete with ABC's Desperate Housewives for the Sunday night 9pm time slot. I don't blame them. Plus, it'd give us something to watch on Monday nights in the spring in the absence of Monday Night Football...

- More snow on the way tomorrow. We dodged a bullet up in this area on Monday night when the storm decided to take a path a little further to the south and ended up missing the New York metro area. It's doubtful that we'll be so lucky this evening, as I fully expect to wake up in the morning and see white on the ground. Then, I'll have to make a gametime decision as to whether I want to drive in to work or work from home. We'll see....

- The President of Iran has a brilliant idea: Let's move Israel to Europe. Last time I checked, we can't just pick up a whole country and move it a few thousand miles.

Let's call it a week. I've seem to be digging for stories lately, so I just wanted to take a moment to take some requests for stories/articles/commentary, I'll be glad to entertain them. Additionally, if anyone is feeling adventurous and wants to do a guest column, you're always welcome. Just get ahold of me and we'll discuss. The readers of the RPR may want to hear a voice other than mine every now and again.

Enjoy the weekend. Beware of heavy snowfall, avalanches, slippery roads, and crazy Christmas shoppers. You take your life in your hands in each of those cases, so be sure to show some caution.

Scraping Topics from the Bottom of the Barrel

I think I may in some sort of "Blogger's Block" since I'm having a tough time coming up with topics this evening. So, I'll just have to ad-lib this post, and see how much I can come up with.

- Music videos are a lost art, since MTV and VH1 have forgotten how to actually play music videos any more. If you watch between the hours of 2am-5am, you have a chance at seeing a music video on one of these channels, but otherwise, you're just in for re-runs of Made, Punk'd, Real World, Best of the 90's and Best Week Ever. Regardless, I did come across the music video for the White Stripes' "Denial Twist" and it's a pretty clever video. Check it out here. (You may need Quicktime in order for this to run. Odds are that if you have iTunes installed on your comp, you'll also have Quicktime. If not, then I don't know what to tell you.)

- I spoke with Jared this evening and he confirmed that it was in fact 27 degrees in Austin, TX, this evening. What's more amazing is the fact that it was 80 this past Saturday. I don't know that I've ever heard of a 53 degree drop in temperature in any place that wasn't called the Sahara Desert. He said there was a chance of ice this afternoon, and so the University of Texas and all of the schools closed early, because they have no idea how to handle any type of inclement weather. The reason I mention this is because I have to bust Jared's balls a little bit. He finds humor in letting us know how warm it is throughout the whole winter when all of us up here in the Northeast are freezing our asses off. So when the temperature in Texas is the same as it is up here, I don't feel so bad. That's alright...by Saturday, they'll be back up in the mid-60's.

- Just in case you wanted to see Michael Irvin's mugshot after he was arrested a couple weeks ago and charged with "misdemeanor possession of drug paraphenalia". While we're on the topic of mugshots, I thought it'd be a good time to also post a link to my favorite of all time.

- Here's something to look forward to in March: CBS will offer the NCAA Tournament games free as streaming webcasts, for this year only. In the future, they'll be charging a subscription fee, but in March, we'll be able to see the tourney games through the regional semifinals free online (with the exception of blackouts due to regional television schedules). Regardless, that'd be pretty sweet - get the game going on the TV and the computer at the same time. Let's hear it for technology.

That's all I could come up with. Hopefully back tomorrow night with something more worthwhile.

Tuesday Night Random

Let's run through this evening's agenda...

- Not sure if I've mentioned this on the blog before, but file this one under "You know what really annoys me?" When you expect your show to be on TV, and then turn it on to find that it's been pre-empted by another program. What a bitch. I turn on FOX at 9pm expecting to watch an all-new episode of House, only to see that 2005 Billboard Music Awards were on. Fantastic. I get to see 50 Cent and Gwen Stefani, instead of a quality dramatic series. Note to FOX, put the Billboard Music Awards on any night of the week except for Tuesday. Don't subject me to this nonsense.

- Has anyone heard that William Hung (of American Idol fame) has a holiday album titled Hung for the Holidays? When does it end with this guy? And I want to know who actually pays for his music? I can't imagine anyone forking over $10 or more to hear William Hung. Can someone please explain this to me?

- In case anyone is interested, Penn State is favored by 8 points in the early line on the Orange Bowl. In other news, Andy Reid's weight exceeds the total number of yards that the Eagles offense will gain next Sunday.

- One of my favorite movies, Coming to America, starring Eddie Murphy (in his prime), James Earl Jones, and Arsenio Hall, has made several appearances on the HBO channels in the past week. Of course, each time it's on, I can't help but watch. Besides being an extremely funny movie, it has all of the elements of ranking highly on the unintentional comedy scale. Additionally, it was somewhat innovative in that Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall also played several minor characters throughout the movie, on top of their main characters. It was like the Nutty Professor, but about 10 years ahead of its time. If you haven't seen it, you need to catch it on the HBO or rent it. Excellent flick.

- I want to plug a very cool site that Brian brought to my attention today. This one is for the music lovers out there, or anyone who just wants to hear some new tunes. It's called Pandora and it's from the creators of the Music Genome Project. These guys listened to over 10,000 bands and came up with this sort of personalized online radio. Just enter a band or song you enjoy, and it'll create a playlist of music that's similar in style. If you come to a song you don't care for, just skip to the next one. I've been listening to it all night and already have a handful of new artists that I want to check out further. I'd recommend signing up for a free account, this way you save all of the "stations" that you create. This way, you can log on from work and listen there. Big thank you to Brian for shining the light on this site.

That being said, that's all for tonight. Congratulations, you've made it to the half-way point of the week. Keep truckin.

What a Trainwreck...

In what should have been a good night for the Eagles, they could have played the role of spoiler, and enjoyed the ceremony in which they retired Reggie White's #92. That was the only bright spot tonight. What a disaster of a game.

In the words of the Jessica, "You should just say, 'Eagles blow. Good night.' "

I think we'll leave it at that. Back tomorrow night when I'm in a better mood.

(Andy's not in a good mood either)

Seeing Orange

Back after the weekend, a weekend in which winter arrived. A little bit of snow this morning, and I'm seeing reports of more snow coming on Tuesday. Not good. I don't mind the cold weather, but the snow really irks me. Let's hope there isn't too much of it...

Big news of the day was the announcement of the Bowl Championship Series games, in which Penn State was selected to play against Florida State in the FedEx Orange Bowl on January 3rd. Not much of a shocker here after both USC and Texas rolled right over their opponents and locked up what I think will be an excellent national championship game. Florida State pulled a bit of an upset over Virginia Tech, but the media will love having a month to come up with more Joe Paterno/Bobby Bowden stories. Since we can never be completely satisfied, I was hoping for the outside chance of the PSU/Notre Dame matchup, even though I knew it would never occur. I had actually heard a rumor last week that the Fiesta Bowl was going to offer the Orange Bowl millions of dollars to not select Penn State, so they could set up the PSU/Notre Dame matchup in the Fiesta. Of course, that was just a rumor. Regardless, I like the PSU/FSU matchup. Two legendary coaches, two legendary programs...just a shame that Florida State's had a slightly "down year" and yet ends up in a BCS game over a team like Oregon, who ends up 10-1 with their only loss coming to #1 USC. I guess you can make the case that they were the only team who were jipped by the BCS this year. Interestingly enough, the BCS got lucky because the pieces of the puzzle all fell in place: they had their #1 and #2 set for the whole season, and gained some solid matchups in the other 3 games. Of course, all of the critics would have had a field day if there was another situation with 3 undefeated teams, or an undefeated team and a slew of 1 loss teams. Regardless, that wasn't the case this year, and all of the proponents of the playoff system can resume their arguments after January 4th. Any case, definitely looking forward to the Orange Bowl matchup and the rest of the College Football Bowl games.

Now for some commentary from Bobby Hipp, as left in an IM this evening:

Bob: This is bullshit... Why the hell should I be excited to watch Penn State play FSU? They arent even ranked... [Editors note: In today's polls, FSU actually jumped back in #22 in both the AP and USA Today]
Bob: Give me Notre Dame
Bob: or even Ohio State again
Bob: Put that in your blog
Bob: BCS bullshit
Bob: I'd rather just see Paterno and Bowden box it out in the ring
Bob: later
Bob: the wedding article was very nice as well

That Bobby Hipp, always good for some comments...

- In other news, just wanted to give shout-outs to Alison & Reza for hosting a fine holiday party on Saturday evening. Jessica and I ventured out to their place in Long Island, and it didn't disappoint. Look forward to future parties of yours!

- I'm cutting it short this evening in the effort to get to bed at a decent hour. Many of my previous attempts have failed miserably. I may or may not write on Monday night, and that depends on what happens with the Eagles game on Monday Night Football, so we'll see.

Hope the weekend treated every well. Let's hope this week treats us well too.

Thursday Night Thoughts

Here we are with the last posting of the week...let me see what I can scrounge up.

- So I was watching Letterman and he had Oprah on for the first time in 16 years. Apparently they've been having some kind of "feud" which was blown out of proportion by the media, and it spawned off of Letterman's wisecracks toward Oprah at the Golden Globe Awards many years ago. In any case, whether this feud is real or not, Oprah agreed to come on The Late Show, and it ended up being rather awkward at first. Letterman was very serious throughout the entire interview, and she absolutely couldn't believe it. She kept saying, "My goodness....I can't believe how serious you are", and Letterman just gave her the "I can be serious when I want to be" look. Regardless, the interview wasn't all that excited, but it was interesting to see the dynamic between those two.

- There's been some good news stories lately, which is advantageous to me, because it provides worthwhile links to post on the RPR. Today, we have the story that President Bush was summoned to jury duty in Texas. I guess we often forget that even the President of the United States is still a citizen like anyone else, and is eligible for such wonderful civic responsibilities like jury duty. I wouldn't place any bets on W actually ending up on a jury in a Texas murder trial though...

- In the ongoing attempt for me to convince you that two people (atheletes, celebrities, etc.) actually look alike, we have another in the series. This evening, we have T.J. Ford of the Milwaukee Bucks and Tiger Woods.



Come on...I can't be the only one who sees the resemblance!

- I stumbled upon a random blog that I find to be very interesting. Common Sense Critic is right down my alley. As this guy says in his profile, he "gets frustrated when he sees people abusing common sense" and of course, I can agree with that 100%. Any case, if you like reading about common sense items or things in the news that just don't make any sense, check out this site. Some pretty good arguments out there, in my opnion. (Of course, I just realized that it hasn't been updated since August, so just read through the old articles instead.)

- Last item.... On Saturday, December 3rd, my sister, Jamie, will be celebrating her 19th birthday. I want to wish her a very happy birthday and hope she has an excellent day, wherever she finds herself. At press time, she is supposed to go on a THON canning trip, but I haven't heard where exactly she's going. This reminds me of when I was turning 19 during my freshman year at Penn State and my roommate, Andy Myers, said to me, "You know, 19 is the 'kick in the ass' birthday because you're one year older but still have 2 years until you're 21. In that case, 20 is the 'kick in the balls' birthday because now you're just 1 year away from 21, but it's a long year. Feels like a kick in the balls." So Jamie, here's a kick in the ass for you, and a happy birthday, all the way from Stamford, CT.

I'll be in New York City this weekend. Happy weekending, we'll talk on Sunday night.

Retrospective: Bob & Kelly's Wedding

One thing I've said from Day 1 on the RPR is that I'll be glad to entertain requests for articles. When I saw Bobby Hipp and Kelly, his wife of 6 months, they mentioned I should write up something on their wedding. Well, I'd like to take them up on that. The only problem is that the wedding was back in early June, and many of the details may have fallen into the cracks. So rather than tell the stories in normal "story" fashion, I'm going to do it free-form...just rambling off the things that happened along the way...

- First off, I want to mention that Brandon, Brian, and I weren't sure we were invited because Bob pretty much waited until the absolute last minute to give us every piece of information we needed to know. We had no idea where we were going, what time to had be anywhere, what was expected of us as the groomsmen, and so on. We can always count on Bobby Hipp to be the event planner...

- Oddly enough, by the time June 3rd rolled around, which was the day of the Rehearsal dinner, we knew what time we had to be in Reading, PA (Kelly's hometown and thus the site of the wedding), and even knew what the plan for the evening was. So we arrived at the church and knew it'd be a debacle right from the start. Brandon, Brian, and I began to take bets on whether it'd be the pastor or Kelly's mom would who kick us all out of there first.

- The Rehearsal was interesting, as the pastor was trying to be serious, but provided some excellent anecdotes of past grooms who went out the night before the wedding and got so sloshed that they had to interrupt the wedding ceremony to go vomit. I'd say it was a pretty discouraging story, which is probably the reason he tells it. It's also important to mention tat Brian and Brandon enjoyed making fun of the pastor's awful toupee.

- At the dinner, there were some great comments by Bob's dad (named Bob) and Bob's uncle on his mom's side (also named Bob). You see a theme? So picture this...we had Bob, Bob, and Bob, with Brandon, Brian and I, as Bob (dad) and Uncle Bob were telling a story about a strip club that they used to frequent. The story featured several highly inappropriate comments, which we all enjoyed, and several interruptions, so that Bob's mom wouldn't catch on to the conversation. I can't remember the name of the strip club, but they did mention great beer specials that they used to have, and it also had an excellent buffet.

- We also appreciated the nice comments that Bob's parents gave to us, saying how we've been great friends to Bob through the years and they appreciated knowing that their son was associating himself with such fine and upstanding gentlemen. In the words of Brandon, "He obviously doesn't know us that well."

- During the Rehearsal Dinner, Bob realized that he didn't have the marriage certificate with him. To add salt to the wound, he couldn't remember if it was back in their apartment in Bethlehem (Lehigh Valley area) or back at his parent's house in Lafayette Hill (Philadelphia area). Way to go, Bob. To fast forward on this story, he ended up driving from Reading to Lafayette Hill, didn't find the certificate there, and then drove up to Bethlehem that night, and back to Lafayette Hill. All of this was on the night before the wedding. Just what he wanted to go through, I'm sure.

- So let's move on to the morning of the wedding, Saturday, June 4th. Believe it or not, we were all on time getting back to Reading, and how did we know we were on time? About 5 minutes into our drive, I get a call on the cell from Bob. He says, "Hey jackass, look behind you". Excellent, the groom was driving right behind us. It was a moral victory for the groomsmen.

- We made a pitstop at the hotel to check in and saw everyone rushing to get ready and over to the church. We were ready to head over in the hotel shuttle. We get to the church and Bob realizes that he's forgotten the marriage certificate again. It's in his car, back at the hotel, and he doesn't have his car keys with him. (I think Kelly may have killed him at the time if she knew all of this was occuring.) So, the plan was to have Uncle Bob get Bob's car keys from Bob's dad Bob, drive back to hotel, and get the marriage certificate from Bob's car. Follow that?

- Luckily, Kelly's mom entrusted Keith (Bob's friend from East Stroudsburg) and Joe (friend from grad school) with the usher duties. That may have been too much work for the rest of us, so we were better off. We were positioned in the side room until everyone was seated and the pastor was ready to begin the ceremony. Another bad idea. The side room had all of these old, ugly clothes and so we of course put them on top of our tuxes and took pictures. There was also a forklift and a wheelchair, so we then queued up the "We should wheel Bob into the sanctuary room like Hannibal Lecter" jokes. By the way, Brandon ended up breaking the wheelchair. And of course, we gave him the whole, "Are you sure you want to do this?" lecture, which he couldn't take seriously, because once Bob has his mind set on something, it's set. Plus, we all like Kelly and knew that she was great for him. Who else could put up with his nonsense?

- During the ceremony, we had to stand up on the steps to the stage facing the crowd the entire time. Very awkward. It was like Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson in Old School. We then proceeded to do the lines from that scene until the wedding began. Side note: Bob's little cousin was the ring bearer and definitely dropped the pillow with the fake ring about 3 times, causing a quiet outburst of laughter each time.

- After the ceremony, it was time to go take pictures. Kelly's parents hooked us up with a trolley to take us from the church to the park (where they took pics) and then to the country club for the reception. Kelly's drunk maids of honor starting drinking out of plastic bottles as soon as we got on the trolley. Looked like we'd be in for a circus. That's when Brandon started taking shots of rum. And this was all before cocktail hour.

- During the pictures, we had to hold Bob up horizontally across a bunch of people. We almost dropped him. We managed not to drop Kelly though. That would have been bad news given the white dress and what not. If I remember correctly, there were several inappropriate comments being made during the pictures. Bob's two little cousins looked at us like we were aliens.

- By the time we made it over to the reception, there was a mad rush for the open bar and the hors d'ouevres. It was like we hadn't eaten or drank anything in a month. But before we knew it, cocktail hour was over and we had to go into the reception room. We sat down to eat, and remember one thing about being a groomsmen in a wedding: You are running around all morning and by the time you get a chance to eat, it's been several hours and several drinks since you've had anything to eat. My advice is to take a timeout and eat the meal. Plus, it's good food and you'd otherwise be missing out.

- Other highlights of the reception: Brandon trying to stay away from one of the bridesmaids who he didn't particularly care for. Trying to keep track of who had taken the most trips to the bar. Similarly, who could get the bartender to remember what their drink was the quickest. Constantly making fun of Bob and laughing amongst ourselves about how Kelly still may have no idea of what she's getting herself into. Trying to come up with smart ass remarks for Uncle Bob's video camera. Listening to Kelly's grandfather tell us the same stories on more than one occasion. And most of all, watching Bobby Hipp be Bobby Hipp and attempt to stay out of the spotlight, even on his wedding day.

- One other story worth mentioning: So the DJ decided to do this thing where you were supposed to come up and dance with either Bob or Kelly, and in order to dance with them, you would have to put $1 in a hat. Remember, this was toward the end of the reception, so everyone was rather inebriated. Any case, Kelly's grandmother goes to dance with Bob, and instead of putting a dollar in the hat, she was trying to put a $20 bill in his front pant's pocket. For some reason or another, her hand was in his pocket for an exceptionally long time. Brian, being the astute one that he is, sees what's going on, and makes the comment, "Hey, you're digging pretty deep into his pocket...Why don't you jiggle his balls while you're down there?" I lost it. Brandon lost it. We were literally on the floor from this comment. It came so far out of left field that we couldn't believe that the words actually came out of mouth. What was even better was that Grandmom thought it was pretty funny and was laughing right along with us. Leave it to Brian to provide a comment like that....

- After the reception, we made our way back to the hotel, but not after Brandon decided to call everyone on his cell phone and just yell incoherent babble into the phone. That pretty much sums up the state of affairs. Back at the hotel, it wasn't all that late, so we stopped into the bar to check out the scene. We were all pretty beat so we didn't stay too long, plus we were going to get up early and head back. Overall, Bob & Kelly's wedding was an excellent time and I think we handled ourselves pretty well (although some were concerned). It was a different experience, especially since it was the first one of my friends to get married. The good news is that there'll be plenty of weddings to attend in the coming years that should give us a similar experience. Like I always say, weddings are like bar mitzvahs, but we can now take advantage of the open bar.

Check out some pictures from the wedding in the posts below. Hope you enjoyed this retrospective, and I'm pleased to mention that Bob & Kelly, coming up on their 6 month anniversary, are still two happily married grad students, and to my knowledge, are not ready to kill each other just yet.

Enjoy Thursday. I'll stop back then.

Brandon: Obviously Drunk At The Time

Brandon's thinking 2 things: "Bob & Kelly's wedding sure is a good time" and "Man, I'm glad this wall is here, otherwise I'd fall over"

Another shot of the Newlyweds

Look, they've been married for 3 hours and they're still smiling!

 

Brian's Comment to Kelly's Grandmom was Priceless

Reference the article for the comment that Brian made to Kelly's Grandmom

 

Look at this hot couple!

A picture of The Ross and The Jessica

 

Look at these Assclowns

From Left to Right: Brian, Bob, Me, Brandon

 

Newlyweds Right After the Ceremony